Roll #258
Film: Lomography Color Slide X-Pro 200, expired (metered at ISO 50), cross-processed
Developed & scanned: DEP Lab, 2025/4/30
Camera: Asahi Pentax 6x7 MLU
Lens: Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4
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Last night was a rough one. Maybe I don't know how to be a good husband. Maybe I don't know how to be a good father. On the way to the riverbank for a walk, I stopped into a Hi-Life, grabbed a tall can of Asahi (disclaimer: alcohol is bad for you, but sugar is worse), found a bench by the levee, and sat down to drink.
I asked ChatGPT how to get through a low period. It told me the first step is to allow yourself to not be okay. I don't remember the rest — I asked a lot of questions that night, but I didn't save the conversation. I don't think it's a good idea to keep evidence of yourself at your worst. If you can choose what to remember, better to remember the good parts.
Earlier that day I'd taken my son to Taipei for his English class. On the MRT ride home, I told him I was thinking about getting a tattoo — the year my dad passed, on the inside of my right wrist. I keep forgetting which year it was. If it's on my hand, I won't forget anymore.
I've never been able to fully grasp how losing my dad has shaped my life. He was gone before I had any time to prepare. Lately I've been exhausted, but I keep asking myself — what would he have done? Knowing him, he'd have dealt with it in his own easygoing way (details omitted), then gone straight to sleep, woken up the next morning, and just started handling things. And whatever couldn't be handled yet — he'd have left it for when it could.
I have no idea how he got through his own low points. In every memory I have of him, he's smiling.
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#1
Took the Pentax 6x7 out for a "morning run" along the levee. Honestly I just needed an excuse to test the camera.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/1000, f2.4)
#2
I've seen accident wreckage at this intersection more than once.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/500, f2.4)
#3
My son used to be obsessed with excavators when he was little. But he's grown out of that now. I almost wrote "unfortunately" — then caught myself. How could growing up be unfortunate? It's something to celebrate. I think this is just a feeling only parents understand: wanting your kid to grow up, and not wanting them to, at exactly the same time.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/250, f4)
#4
Whatever happened to this film in storage, it's completely degraded. I bought three rolls of this stuff — thankfully this was the last one. Testing the lens on this tree; looks like f8 still wasn't quite small enough.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/125, f8)
#5
When I was just starting out, I would have shot this wide open at f2.4 without a second thought. Now I know to pull back to f5.6. I'm quietly proud of that.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/60, f5.6)
#6
The levee near our place.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/30, f8)
#7
Goats grazing.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/1000, f2.4)
#8
I once figured out a way to partially restore the color on degraded shots like these — convert to black and white first, then run it through an AI colorizer. Surprisingly, the AI guesses the colors pretty accurately. But I don't do it. I think this blog carries a kind of responsibility: to show each film stock as it actually is, not to mislead anyone about what a roll looks like. The world doesn't need more beautiful photos. It needs more honest ones. I could never make peace with curating some polished, aspirational version of my life for social media — that wouldn't be me. I suppose you could call this a kind of realism. Yeah, I think that's what it is.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/15, f22)
#9
We got a small fish tank, so now we have a fish tank. I have no interest in feng shui, but behavioral psychology genuinely fascinates me. My theory: feng shui is just behavioral psychology — the difference is that one can back up its claims with evidence, and the other can't.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1s, f2.4)
#10
Camera checks out. Which means it's time to sell it. Until next time.
Pentax 6x7 Takumar 105mm f2.4 (1/2, f2.4)
That's the full roll — Asahi Pentax 6x7 MLU with Lomography Color Slide X-Pro 200, expired and cross-processed. Thanks for reading.
I genuinely want to put this blog on hiatus. I want to spend more time on work. But somehow, putting words to the images I've lived through has become something I can't replace — maybe the last real romance left in my life. It would be a shame to give that up just because I'm having a hard time. Still, I'm seriously considering it. Thanks for being here.
